Yesterday, I got an email from my 83-year-old friend Aunt Daisy.
Howdy there Sylvia Honey!
The temperatures up here in the North Country are droppin’ faster than pants in a whorehouse. The snowdrifts are up to the hayloft window. The horses are huddlin’ against each other for warmth and the cats have burrowed into a pile of blankets and show no signs of leavin’ ‘til spring.
But my new farmhand (wink, wink) Earl is keepin’ things nice and toasty in the house. Valentine’s Day was real grand. It was freezin’ outside but inside we made our own heat so I signed him on for a year with an option to renew. Nothin’ like havin’ a farmhand with a six pack on his belly stokin’ the blaze. Earl makes me feel 40 years younger. There’s an old cowboy sayin,’ “Treat a woman like a racehorse and she’ll never be a nag.” Sure as shootin’ I’m gonna be real nice to Earl. I love seein’ four boots at the end of the bed.
I could run on and on about that dude but there’s other news, too.
You know right well that I love a-jawin’ almost as much as I love my animals. When you get to my age, people think you know a whole lot more than you do and are always askin’ my advice. Maybe I don’t know as much as they think I do but after four husbands and a corral full of farmhands, I know a little somethin’.
The gals from neighborin’ farms and from town are always stoppin’ by and askin’ for lovelorn advice about how to get along with their families and especially with the cowpokes in their lives. I give the gals good strong coffee and a hearty slice of buttered cornbread hot from the oven and I listen to them go on and on about their men. I have a honey of a book on cowboy wisdom and humor and lean on that.
So, the other day I got a phone call from the local newspaper askin’ if I would write an advice column for them. Imagine me writin’ a column! I don’t have a name for it yet, but I’m workin’ on it.
O.K., Honey – that’s gonna be about it for now. The beef stew’s just about ready and is perfumin’ the air and makin’ me peckish. After supper, Earls wants to play strip poker. That’ll be dessert.
Happy trails to you cowgirl! And remember what Will Rogers said, “Don’t squat with your spurs on.”
Love, Aunt Daisy
I hope the women who ask for Aunt Daisy’s advice know how to handle the truth. Her advice is like stepping on a scale – no lies!