Dear Journal ….. The night Max and I drove home from Cutlass and Bobo’s beach villa, I gave Max the silent treatment. They thought it was great fun to surprise me with Scorpion’s new squeaky-clean image. All his tattoos and piercings had been removed and now he was just another stunning man, no longer my unique Scorpion who I had a teensy crush on. They knew I had a soft spot in my heart for Scorpion ……. I mean Etienne, as he calls himself now. It will take time to get used to his new name, even more time to get used to his new look. Not that it’s a bad look, it’s just not very …. O.K., how shall I say it? – as sexy and provocative as before!
The part that ticked me off, was Max, Cutlass and Bobo ganging up on me to tease me about the friend they knew I had a soft spot for. There are certain things women just do not like to be teased or criticized about.
There are certain things women just do not like to be teased or criticized about.
1) The top untouchable is weight. I know I’m a woman of substance. No one has to point that out or tell me I’ve put on pounds. Thank you very much. People can say insensitive things like – “Looks like she lost a lot of weight. Not like you and me, kid! But there’s always Weight Watchers!” To which I’d like to reply, “And there’s always duct tape for people with big mouths.”
2) Criticizing an outfit. I once wore a dress with a double row of buttons down the front. A man said to me, “Looks like you could be a doorman at a fancy hotel.” I donated the dress to charity. Or a double whammy – weight and outfit – “Black is so slimming! Too bad you chose yellow.”
3) A woman does not like her cooking compared to another woman’s cooking. “This is great, but ( ________’s) pot roast is famous in five counties.” Then go to ( ________’s) instead of my house for dinner! (Frankly, I have never gotten this one because our catering company, Presentation Is Everything, always produced great food.) But I can certainly understand the irritation especially after having cooked a whole meal!
4) Telling a woman, “Don’t take it personally!” To a woman, everything is personal!
5) “You’re so emotional!” Yes! That’s because most women are actually in touch with their feelings and they are strong enough to show their vulnerability!
6) This was the one that started me on my passionate rant – Women don’t like to be teased about family or friends or someone they have a teensy crush on! Yes, I know it’s ridiculous to have a crush on a man almost a third my age …. but …. there you have it! It’s personal and besides it’s none of your business. So …. I’m going to be darn emotional about it too! Stuff a sock in it, fellas!
And now it’s my turn to tease but only to you, Dear Journal.
Here’s the scoop about perfect Max’s faux pas at an important breakfast banquet.
Max asked a new assistant to hand him the sugar canister so that Max could sprinkle sugar over the pastries and frost the grapes. It was the assistant’s first day and he was nervous. Instead of sugar, he passed Max salt. When Max realized the mistake after the pastries were served, Max with a horror stricken expression, sidled over to the buffet table and frantically grabbed the pastries, stuffing them under his chef’s jacket. He looked like Santa taking back the presents and looking for the nearest chimney. I stood in the doorway, loving every minute. Luckily, it was during the pre-breakfast speeches so no one noticed. I wish I had had a camera to capture Max’s expression. His reputation was almost wrecked.
I’m not getting my revenge on Max by telling you this Dear Journal because no one will ever, ever know what’s in my private journal. Right????????????
So, I guess I’m having my Ha!Ha! moment at Max’s expense. Oh, well!